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Issue date: 10/24/08 Section: Multimedia

"Before I knew which direction to skate one of the girls sent me sprawling with a quick shoulder to the ribs."

When I think of women's roller derby, I remember Rollerjam, the show everyone watched when satellite television first made it to the rural Midwest. The show portrayed the athletes as muscular and angry with enough tattoos and leather to make Sturgis look like a Baptist tent revival. But when does TV ever accurately depict anything? As it turns out, they nailed this one.

Last week I had the opportunity to skate with the Mo-Kan Roller Girls, Baxter Springs's own women's roller derby team. Not only did they say, "Yes, you may skate with us," but they were actually excited at the thought. At that point, I'll admit, my mind filled with red flags and images of large, pierced women knocking me through a wall. In the name of good journalism, however, I assumed a bold stature and said something like:

"I'm a big dude with a tough beard. What are they going to do to me?"

Oh the naivety of youth.

It wasn't until I stepped into the retrofitted roller rink that I realized I haven't skated in years. I might not even know how anymore. Plus, even when I used to know how, if anyone even attempted a high-five I lost my balance and bruised my knees.

"It's just like riding a bike," someone offered, but I never learned how to ride a bike, so the analogy is completely lost on me.

Then, when I saw the skaters, all thoughts of my inadequate balance were overcome by cold, hard terror. Piercings, muscles, tank tops, tattoos - the whole bit.

These girls are for real.

They glide around on skates like fish in a pond. They knock each other down.

Continued...

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